


Habits

by SoullessCreatures



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), SwanQueen - Fandom, Swen, swan queen - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Tove Lo Song, Evil Queen | Regina Mills and Emma Swan are Henry Mills's Parents, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Henry Mills Ships Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, Lesbian Character, Love, Love Confessions, POV First Person, Regal Believer, Sad with a Happy Ending, Swan-Mills Family (Once Upon a Time), True Love, True Love's Kiss, silk blouse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28886421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoullessCreatures/pseuds/SoullessCreatures
Summary: hi! first of all i want to warn for alcoholism being mentioned in this story once again!so the story is based on habits by tove lo, it’s written from regina’s pov. i gave her a character thingy where she uses some words pretty much tho, so it might bother some people, i don’t know.but i hope you’ll enjoy!
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 18
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> note that english isn’t my native language so my apologies for the possible mistakes, you can correct me if you want. i’m not a very good writer, i just enjoy to write story’s, so sorry for the not so very well storyline and all :)  
> feedback is always welcomed & appreciated!

Yes I am mad, of course I am, in fact, how I could not be?  
They all left me, he left me, she left me. For fucks sake she went away with that goddamn pirate of hers.  
And now here I am, all alone again.

Oh don’t get me the wrong way, I still love them all.  
Henry, well, I can’t really blame him for going away. Of course not, he’s finally gone to college and I’m proud of him but for gods sake he left the day after she did. -Which was in fact only yesterday but still-  
He knows how I felt about her, how I still feel about her.   
I hoped he would’ve stayed a bit longer with me but it was wrong of me to expect that of him.   
Of course it was, especially when I told him to go and that I would be fine.. three times.

“Mom are you sure that you’ll be fine?”, he kept asking me as we stood outside on the porch yesterday afternoon.

“Oh honey, don’t worry I’ll be fine I promise”, I repeated to him, three times to be precise.

He’s all grown up now, Henry, 21 years young. A boy who had outgrown his mother... mothers, actually.  
I’d given him a motorcycle for his birthday, he was over the moon.   
And I’m sure you’ll believe me when I say that I panicked a little bit -or much- when he went for a test drive and came back saying: “This will be perfect for going out of town to college”,

I had panicked about that, mostly because I thought he would just keep working since he hadn’t talked about going to college over 2 years. 

Then the day after his birthday, he came to me, hugged me tight and whispered, “I’m leaving for college in about 4 months, mom.”  
He tried to say it so gently, it broke me in different ways.  
But anyway, I cried, I was proud of him, and I still am. I told him that, of course, my baby boy all grown up.  
But I’m mad at him for leaving me when I needed him most.  
Well not exactly mad mad, of course not, how could I.  
The boy deserves his future, and perhaps I’m not actually mad at him, but at myself, for not telling him the truth.

Then there are the Charmings, oh the beloved family.  
Loved by all, by me too, of course, how could one not?  
But well..I am mad at them too. They left me, okay, that’s not really the truth, they’re still in town. They just moved a little further away to a bigger house with their son.  
But they left me after she had married the pirate, they left me standing there, silently crying in myself.  
And David gave me a nod full of sadness. Snow looked at me, she gave me a look of pity, pinched my shoulder slightly before following the group of happy people.  
And that’s why I’m mad at them.  
Well, not mad mad, of course.  
Perhaps I’m just mad at myself once again, for not asking them to stay for a while, or at least Snow.  
I don’t think she completely understands my feelings for her daughter, but she knows some, she recognized that look in my eyes over and over again.  
And perhaps that’s why I shouldn’t be mad at them, of course not, what could they do?   
I’m mad at myself, for not asking them to stay with me for a while.

But then we have her, she who had figured me out on the same day she came to town, she who had stolen my love and then decided to run away.  
Well, I guess Emma doesn’t really know about my feelings for her. Of course not, how could she when I never told her.

She would always look at me with those big green forest eyes and blonde hair far to pretty for this world. And I would call her my Emma.  
Only in my head, but my lips almost slipped sometimes.  
My Emma just never failed to amaze me, if it wasn’t for her clumsiness it would be her dumbness, but all in the best ways.

And I’m mad at my Emma, I’m mad at her for marrying that stupid pirate. For never noticing me when I stared at her from across the room, for never asking me if I was okay, even tho she saw the sadness in my eyes.   
She knows when I’m lying to her, she always does, but when she had announced her engagement and I told her that I was happy for her, she didn’t make a comment on my lie.  
And I’m mad at her. And I would say that I’m not mad mad, because I am in fact mad mad. Of course I am, she ignored the looks I gave her, the looks we shared and all the hints I have given her.  
For fucks sake she’s the other mother of my son, we share a goddamn son and I want to be so mad at her that I could just rip her head off.  
But she’s still my Emma.  
And I guess it would not be fair of me if I only would be mad at her.  
Of course it wouldn’t, I’m mad at myself too, for never telling her how I felt, how I feel.  
For never telling her how much I am in love with her.  
For never telling her to leave that ignorant pirate and to take a chance on me.

But then when someone says ‘Emma’, they think about the pirate.  
Now that’s who I’m mad mad with.   
Because not only does he smell like fish, he also doesn’t treat my Emma the way she deserves.  
Well, of course he doesn’t, he’s a pirate for fucks sake.  
I have been mad with Hook ever since he came to town. He kept hitting on Emma, he kept flirting with her, even tho she was obviously not having it.  
And I’m mad at him for almost forcing her into the relationship, for taking her away from me, he, with his cheap whiskey and bad smelling cologne.  
I could give you a hundred reasons why I’m mad at him, but none of them will top the way he treats Emma.

He makes her feel like she always does something wrong. He makes her feel like she belongs to him, and him only, like she does not belong to herself too. He makes her feel like she is not allowed to talk to any other man. He makes her feel like an object, like love should not be enjoyable.

My Emma deserves better than that, and she knows that, though she will not admit it. And I think that when he proposed, she felt a big pressure on her shoulders and just accepted it.

I’m mad with the pirate for leaving Emma out of the blue for a few days, but not mad mad, because I had been able to take Emma out to a girls night.  
I had done my best to dress all up, and I’m sure that if it wasn’t for drunk Snow, Emma and me could have started something bigger then our friendship, if she had wanted, of course.

But I am mad at him for breaking her heart, for then returning and blaming her like it was all her fault.

So yes, I am mad with him, mad mad.

And I would say “not mad mad”, but that would be a lie.  
And I would say “perhaps I’m mad at myself too”, but the only reason I should be mad at myself instead of him, is for not shoving that hook of him up his ass.

And there’s me, of course Regina Mills.  
Well I’m mad at myself, for all these things said above.  
But I’m the most mad about the fact that I have been a coward and never dared to tell my Emma how I feel about her.  
I blew my shot, and now she’s gone with that pirate.

Of course I’m mad, how could I not be?


	2. 2

I would be lying if I said that this was only my first glass of wine. In fact, it was my third one and god help me it wasn’t even noon yet.  
And it’s not like I bothered to put on some reasonable clothes and make up, walking around in only my panties and shirt was just enough.  
It reminds me of Emma. Of course it does, everything reminds me of her.  
But this one is different.  
This is about how she had opened that door, standing there in her panties and tanktop, not bothering to hide her body behind the door when she saw it was me standing there.  
That was the moment that I knew just who exactly I wanted.  
It was all lust back then, but the lust had changed into loving, very quickly.  
Of course, how could you not love my Emma?

My Emma, Emma, Emma Swan.   
I’m glad she didn’t take that pirates last name. Emma Jones, awful, would’ve taken all her pride away.

Don’t want to eat, how could I when all I’m craving for is to see Emma again.  
I don’t know when she will come back.  
It’s been two days since she left, we didn’t even hug goodbye.  
Perhaps that’s for the best, it would’ve been to painful.

But I know I have to, I have to eat.

And I curse when I see that the fucking fridge is almost empty again.  
I check to see if there’s something that would satisfy as lunch. But luck isn’t on my side, once more, should’ve know.  
Of course, luck is never on my side.

I sigh, put my glass of wine aside and rub my eyes and nosebridge as I felt my head already throbbing.  
But as long as it keeps me from thinking too much about my Emma, I don’t mind.

I’m strolling, strolling through the hall, strolling up the stairs and it felt like someone had fastened cement blocks around my feel.  
Strolling once again, to my room, my closet.   
I gaze, don’t know what to wear, but then I do.  
I take out a blouse, a silky blue one, to be precise.  
I smiled.  
Emma.  
Henry had lent her this blouse of mine.  
She didn’t gave it back at first.  
I hadn’t minded, I liked the thought that she had it hanging in her closet. Perhaps she would even think of me and smile when she saw it.

Then one day, probably a year later, I was having tea at Granny’s when my Emma came in.  
Her eyes were searching for someone and I was looking at her with a dreamy smile until the eyes landed on me.

“Hey”, she had smiled and came over to me.

“Miss Swan”, I smiled back at her.

“I’ve been searching the whole town for you”, she sighed with a laugh as she sat down and took place in front of me.

“You have?”, I was confused.

“Yeah, I wanted to give you this”, my Emma had said, while she laid a box in front of me.

“Oh”, is looked at her, surprise clearly to be seen in my eyes, “what’s this?”  
I removed the lid from the box carefully and began to smile as the silk clothing was slowly revealed.

“I’m sorry it took so long to give it back to you, I didn’t really know when the right timing was and then kinda forgot about it”, a chuckle escaped from her lips.  
Heavenly.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. Thank you, for bringing it back”, I looked in her eyes with a soft but genuine smile. And perhaps I looked a little too long, but neither of us had seemed to mind.  
“Let me get you a hot chocolate with cinnamon”, I eventually said.

I saw Emma smile, probably at the fact that I remember that she liked cinnamon in her hot chocolate. Of course I remember, how could I forget?

I’m holding the shirt right in front of me as I smile at the memory.  
The idea of her looking at it the way I am looking at it right now makes my heart flutter.  
Well, it always does when I think of Emma.  
Of course it does.  
Then I think about all those nights I felt lonely and had taken the shirt out of my closet.  
I would put it on most of the times, but sometimes I would just hold it close to me.  
Then I laid in bed, sometimes I would just sleep in it, other times my hand would creep down my thighs, thinking of my own fingers as Emma’s.

The shirt still smelled like her, faintly. Her scent had mingled itself with mine, I like it. Our scent.

———————

In the supermarket I tried to avoid as much people as possible.  
Threw some vegetables, fruits and other stuff in my cart before going to the wine section.  
I know I shouldn’t be buying more, I still have some at home..but I did it anyways.  
5 extra bottles of my favorite red wine.  
And I was so tempted to open one right here right now but I’m sure I would be thrown out if I did.  
So I just got in my car and opened one there, drank straight from the lid.

I know I shouldn’t be trying to excuse my drinking and driving because I know it’s wrong and bad, but I still know what I’m doing so technically I’m no danger to others.

I get home, drop half of the stuff I bought, on the porch and complain again.  
Of course, endless days of complaints.

And I’m sure my day can’t get any worse after I had prepared my dinner for the evening.  
Cant really recall how many glasses or bottles of wine I drank, but it was enough to make me throw up for the first time in five years.  
As I felt it coming, I ran to the bathroom, unconsciously my plate with dinner still in my hand.  
I place it on the edge of the bathtub and make it on time to the toilet.

Well that was something wasn’t missing, last time I threw up was when I got the flu all those years ago. I certainly didn’t need to be reminded of that feeling.

I sigh loudly and let the water from the sink wash out my mouth.  
A wreck, that is honestly all I see when I look into the mirror. My mascara all rubbed out from keep rubbing in my eyes.  
My eyes swollen, it looks like I cried.  
Did I?  
I don’t remember.  
Of course not, that’s why I’m drinking, to forget.

The plate has kept his balance on the edge of the bathtub. I walk to it, decide to let myself fall into the tub and ate the rest of my dinner there.  
I don’t really care now.  
Of course not, since when do I care about something else other than Henry. Or Emma.

My Emma.  
I miss my Emma.  
And tears well up in my eyes once more as I think about her.  
I don’t even know where she went, that stupid goddamn pirate of hers for christ sake didn’t even think to tell us where they would go on that rotten ship of his.

How long before I will see my Emma again? A year? 4 weeks? 4 months? 4 years? Never?

I hear myself sob, it’s like I’m watching myself from the corner of the room, seeing myself pathetically crying in the bathtub.  
And the last thing I remember before I pass out are my Emma’s eyes.

Green like the forest, emerald and full of believe.  
She always believed in me.  
Perhaps I should now believe in her, that she will come back one day, even if it’s not for me.  
Well, of course I believe,   
how could I not when it’s the only thing for me to cling onto at this moment?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback / opinions always welcomed :))


	3. 3

I’ve been missing my Emma for almost a month and half now... I think. I don’t really remember much from these past weeks. The only thing I know is that I haven’t been fully sober a single day, the Charmings came by twice I guess, and I know Henry texted and called me a couple times to check in.   
But all those other days I’ve probably cried 3 hours straight each day and I’ve only had to go to my office 5 times since there isn’t really much to do because everybody got their happy ending. And everybody means everyone except me. Of course, it always has.  
So that’s what I’ve been doing.  
Tho I vaguely remember myself taking a cab out of town once or twice.  
I don’t know if I dreamt it or not, but I went to a sexclub.  
And I just sat there, watching other strangers getting it on and I just thought of them as my Emma and me.  
I think I was high, don’t know how that happened if it wasn’t in my dream, probably just me trying to keep both feet of the ground to try and forget about Emma.  
It didn’t work, I can give you that much.

And today is just another one of those days where I’m drinking to get Emma out of my mind. And I must be honest and tell you that it doesn’t really work, she nestled her way too deep in my head for that, but I still try it anyways.  
Don’t ask me the last time I had a structure in my day, I don’t remember.  
Of course I don’t.  
But sometimes I wake up at 6 in the morning, other days at 11am.  
Sometimes I would eat lunch at 1pm, other times at 4pm.  
Well the only good thing about that is that I’ve been serving myself with some great fucking wine and I honestly could not care less anymore.  
My Emma is all I care about.   
And Henry, of course.

But today was one of those days where I had woken up around 11am.  
It’s 1pm now, don’t think I’ve gotten out of bed and dressed already. Not even close since I just had my daily crying session and I can barely see due to my eyes being red and swollen.  
And my whole body hurts, every morning I wake up in pain and I cry until I’ve soothed myself. But then I remember Emma again, she with her eyes so green and golden locks that looked like silk.  
And then it hurts again, all I need is someone who numbs the pain.  
For the pain I’m having, only Emma could numb it.  
Of course only her, my love.

My thoughts, always drowning me, I’m never able to take a deep breath. And here I’m laying down again with my gray and silky shirt that smells like Emma.  
Trying to feel her warmth, closing my eyes, thinking of her laying next to me.  
As I’m getting lost in my thoughts once more, an almost deafening sound breaks the silence.  
Sounded like a bell.  
Shoot, of course, the doorbell.  
My mind awakens as I hear the ringing for a second time.   
‘Perhaps it’s my Emma’, I think as I rush myself out of bed and down the stairs.  
Even though I know it’s not. Emma always, literally always knocks on the door.  
And when I finally open the door, a smile appeared on my lips.

“Henry?”, I sigh happily.  
My boy standing in front of me, his arms opened for a hug.

“Mom”, he says lovingly while taking me in an embrace, “I’ve missed you”.

“My baby boy,” I whisper back and prep him with kisses.   
“I have been missing you too”, his cheeks almost squished between my hands as I pull him inside the house.

“How is college, my prince? Are you enjoying it? Have you made friends yet?”, I can’t help myself from firing questions at him when we sit down at the kitchencounter.

“Slow down mom”, he laughs while grabbing himself some water.  
“It’s pretty good actually tho, I’m getting used to it and I did make some friends. We get along well”, he smiled and took place on the stool next to me.

“I’m happy you’re doing so well, Henry”, I smile as I cup his cheek.  
And then my smile fades and I squint my eyes.  
“Any friends I should be worried about?”, I speak in my threatening voice, but I don’t mean it, of course, Henry knows that.

A nervous chuckle escapes his lips and my eyes widened.  
“Well, there’s this girl”, he looks in my eyes and I can just see how he lights up.

“Yes?”, I ask him curiously.

“Her name is Violet. I like her, I haven’t told her yet, but I think she likes me too”, his smile reaching his ears as he talks about her.  
Reminds me of myself, whenever I talked about my Emma.

“My little prince”, I smile happily and take him in an embrace.  
“I’m so happy for you, your first love”

He hugs me back for a few seconds before releasing.  
“Enough about me now, mom. How are you holding up?”, his hand resting on my knee, eyes trying to bury a hole in my mind.

“Oh I’m fine, my boy, don’t worry”, my smile is weak, and I’m lying, of course I’m not fine. 

“Mom”

And of course Henry knows.

“Really Henry, I’m fine”, another lie.

“You’re not Mom. I can tell”, he shakes his head ever so slightly and looks at me with an understanding look.

“How?”, I frown.

“Apart from the fact that you’re looking like a mess and that your eyes are red and swollen, you’re wearing the shirt Ma once lent. You wear that whenever you need her close to you.”

I scoff at his response: “Busted”, I admit and look at him with a sad smile and broken eyes.

“I wish you told her how you feel.”

“Me too”, I sigh.   
“If it weren’t for that stupid pirate”, I mumble between my teeth.

Henry chuckles. “Typical Mom, blaming others”, he teases.

“Well, he did ran off with my Emma to god knows where, he doesn’t even treat her right. It’s only fair of me to blame him.”, another scoff escapes my mouth as I roll my eyes.

“My Emma?”, Henry asks.

“What?”

“You said ‘my Emma’, Mom.”

“Did I?”, I raise my eyebrows and Henry nods.

“I apologize, I must have been calling her that in my head too much.”, I look down and start fidgeting with one of my rings.

“Don’t apologize, Mom. You know I know that you love Ma. I always have known, from the moment you met.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry, I just-“, I sigh while I make eyecontact with Henry once more.  
“- I just miss her, she’s in my head 24/7 and I cannot get her out. And everyday I fall into these habits I started after she left. I wish she was here.”

“I know”, Henry gives me a nod and a kiss on my cheek.  
“You have always felt your emotions stronger then everyone else. And the way you love Ma, is really extraordinary.”

I smile with teary eyes at Henry’s comment and wait for him to say more as I see him frowning.

“Have you texted or called her since she left?”, he asks me carefully.

I shake my head and softly bite down my bottom lip.  
“No”, i sigh out. 

“But why?”, Henry looks at me, confused. understandable.

“I just- I don’t want to interrupt her. The Charmings told me she doesn’t have reception lots of times. So I don’t know, I’d rather just see her here again then being unable to reach for her. I’d only get worried.”

Henry nods, “you and technology”, he laughs softly, trying to light the mood. But then his smile disappears.  
“I have never told you this because I didn’t want to hurt you. But now I’m thinking it may not hurt as much as you missing her. It might even give you some hope.”, he says and then holds my hand like he wants to prepare me for what he’s about to say.

“I’m pretty sure Ma has been loving you too”, Henry says softly.

“I-, what?”

“I always observed you two, the way you look at Ma and the way Ma looks at you. But you see, the funny thing is that both of you always tried to steal a glimpse of the other. And I was always confident that Ma loved you too, but then Hook came. But Mom, Ma doesn’t try to steal a glimpse of him from across the room. She doesn’t smile whenever he calls her name, in contradiction to you.”

Henry speaks and a tear rolls down my cheek but he’s quick enough to wipe it away and continue his story.

“Mom”, he says once more, “When she stood at the altar to get married, she looked at you while you were looking down, holding back your pain. And when she looked at you her eyes glimmered and she didn’t look happy at all for someone who was about to get married”, he pauses for a few seconds while I breath in deep, shakily.

“I think Ma got herself trapped. Just as you tried to get Ma out of your mind by dating Robin Hood, Ma started dating Hook but got lost in the maze and was too scared to scream for help, for a way out.  
Ever wondered why true loves kiss never worked with them?”

“She doesn’t really love him that way”, I whisper the answer, completely in awe of Henry’s theory, hoping it could be right.

“I think she doesn’t too”, my Prince sighs but smiled when he sees the hope on my face.

Of course I have hope now, after the things my son just told me, how could i not?  
But I’m also mad. Mad mad. With myself, not with Henry, of course not.  
I’m mad mad that I didn’t find Emma’s searching green eyes for me once.  
I’m mad mad that I brushed those hidden smiles on her face off me because I thought I was giving myself false hope.  
But mostly, I’m mad mad with myself for not hearing my Emma’s silent cry for help, for thinking she would never love me back.  
Because despite all of those things, I just found out that she might have loved me once.  
And of course I’m hoping that she might even still love me, just like the way I love her.   
With all my heart and soul, of course, how could I not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again: feedback / opinions are always appreciated :)


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last chapter :)

Another morning, a better one this time.  
Henry stayed over, made sure I ate enough, drank enough water and less wine.  
I couldn’t be more grateful for him, of course not, he’s the son I always wished for.  
Even tho I didn’t woke up with a big hangover today, the loneliness hadn’t left me.  
But that didn’t matter today, so I strolled down the stairs to the kitchen, finding Henry there making some breakfast.

“Hi mom”, he happily says right before planting a kiss on my cheek.

“My boy”, I smile and return a kiss to his forehead.  
“You were up late”, I say and take place at the counter, “what did you do?”

“oh well, I had to discuss a project with some of my classmates, sorry if I kept you awake”, he gives me a weak smile while bringing over a plate with some bacon and scrambled eggs to me.

“Thank you my prince, it looks delicious. And don’t worry, you did not keep me awake.”

“I have to make sure that you eat.”

“You do not, don’t worry about me now”, I shake my head slightly.

Henry sighs and then takes his own plate and takes the seat next to me.  
“How are you feeling today?”

“A bit better with you here. I didn’t dwell in my bed for the first 3 hours after waking up, so that’s a start”, I smiled at him.

“A start indeed”, he smiles back.  
“What about we go to the docks this afternoon? To the bench where you and Ma used to sit sometimes?”

“Oh, I don’t know Henry, I-“, he interrupts me.

“We can talk about Ma, tell me everything about her, the things you love about her, the things that have made you sad, everything”, he says, and then puppy eyes:, “please?”

I sigh and smile slightly, “fine, only for you”, I say. Of course, of course only for him.

“Thank you”, he says, and places a kiss to my cheekbone.

———

So a couple hours later and there we are. The bench where I sat with my Emma countless times. And so I turn to Henry as I smile and started to talk.

“The first time we sat here, we each sat on different benches, next to each other but different benches. And as we grew closer together, the closer we sat to each other on the bench.”, I scoff.  
“It would start from the different benches to the same bench but as far from each other as possible. And from that it went to scooching over a little more to each other every time.   
Emma always came here when she wasn’t feeling great, it would be when she just had a bad day, when Hook had scolded her or named her again for things she isn’t, or when we had a fight.  
And I would always meet her there, always, even when she didn’t want to talk to me. Then I would l sit in silence next to her, but we would talk it out eventually, sitting close to each other in the freezing wind.”

Henry smiles softly and takes my hand, encouraging me to go on.  
I take a deep breath and let out a sigh.  
“I miss this. Her. Emma. She would sit next to me and stare at me with her forest eyes, rose cheeks and red nose because of the cold. I absolutely loved it. There was one time where she laid her head on my shoulder after I apologized for something I did. It was her way of letting me know that I was forgiven.”  
I smile wildly while telling everything, and tears well up every now and then.  
And Henry, he sits there, listening to every single word I say because he truly cares, of course he does, my boy.

“Since when have you loved her, Mom?”, Henry’s eyes full of warmth.

I shook my head slowly: “I don’t really remember, to be fair. I had always a soft spot for your Ma, even when she first came to Storybrooke, even then. But I think that the moment when I really realized what was going on was some years ago, when you two had to run from Pan’s curse. That’s when I knew.”

“All these years”, he sighed, “why didn’t you tell her?”

“I was scared. Scared of what she might think of me, I mean what if she doesn’t see me like that, not even in the slightest bit? It was for the best not telling her, I always believed, for myself and for my Emma. But it was not, I see that now”, a tear rolls down my cheek as Henry lays his head on my shoulder, just like how Emma had done it only a couple months ago.

“The thing that makes me sad is: what if she loved me once, but moved on? Or what if she feels trapped in her relationship with Hook. Do you think she loves him? She deserves better than him. I would give her all.”

“Mom, I think Ma perhaps likes Hook, but not enough to be happily with him for ever. He always wants his way, never hers. She doesn’t love him, but she might not realize it herself. I think she was so desperately to prove her family that she too could have a happy end. She’s not the happiest I have ever seen, with him. She’s not. But whenever she looked at you, Mom, that was something else”, Henry says while squeezing my hand.

“My Emma”, I cry silently.

“Would you tell her what you felt if she’d come back now?”

“Most definitely I would.”

Henry gives me a kiss on the cheek and jumps of the bench, in a complete rush all of the sudden. “You know what Mom, you stay right here, I’ll get us some hot cocoa from granny’s. Be right back in a few minutes”, he says before giving me a quick hug and running off before I could say anything else.

And so there I sit, alone now. I breathe in the fresh air, the salty air while wiping off my tears. And then I stare in front of me, to the see, the birds, the ships. For some minutes at least.   
And then I hear running footsteps toward me again.  
Henry, probably. Then my heartbeat shoots up when I hear a call. 

“Regina?”, out of breath.  
“Regina, are you okay?”

I turn around quickly and stare, just stare, because of course I didn’t know what to do. Of course. And my heart is pounding so hard in my chest, I think it might jump out.

“Regina?”, I hear again. And finally my tears break out.

“Emma?”, I hastily stand up and walk closer to the woman now almost near me.  
“Emma.” I say once again with disbelief as she stops right in front of me.

“Are you alright?”, she lays her hand upon my cheek while she looks for any possible injuries.

“I- I don’t know, what? How? Emma.”, nothing of what I say seems to be making sense but the sight of my Emma right in front of me overwhelms me and I cry harder as I realize that it’s really her. And my only reaction is to throw myself in her arms.  
Her warmth calms me down within a minute, listing to her heartbeat, her hand stroking soothing circles over my back.

“Why did you come here”, I sniff, still caught between her arms.

“Henry, he told me you were hurt and asked me if I could come as soon as possible. 

“Henry?” I ask as i slowly let go of Emma, but her hand keeps holding my shoulder.

“Yeah he called yesterday night, was lucky that i had reception.”

“So you came?”

“Of course I came, Regina, how couldn’t I?”

“Where’s.. Hook?”, I ask quietly, noticing his absence.

“I don’t know, to be fair”, Emma answers, shrugging her shoulders. I give her a confused look, telling her to explain.  
“He told me it was either him or you”, a soft smile appears on her face.

“But you’re here.” I say.

“I am.”

“But-“

“I couldn’t bare the thought of you being hurt, Regina. Hook’s an ass, I see that now. Nobody should let his wife choose between him or her closest friend, the other mother of her son,” Emma interrupts me.

I look at her with disbelief for a few seconds. “I’m sorry Henry called you, I had no idea.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for Regina, I got rid of the relationship that I barely wanted ánd I got to see you again, and Henry. It’s a win-win”, my Emma smiles wildly.

And I smile, finally seeing her big smile again, one that could light up the whole town.  
“Win-win”, I repeat, getting lost into her emerald eyes.

“I’ve really missed you Regina. Don’t know about you but.. I’m glad to be back here”, she sighs happily and pulls me in for another hug.

I let my body melt into hers, “you have no idea”, I whisper.

“Moms!”, I hear a call as Emma released me from her embrace, but left her hand resting on my lower back. I turn around and see Henry running towards us with a carton with 3 cups in it.  
That sneaky little bastard.

“Henry”, Emma smiles as she walks toward him, sliding her hand slowly over my back as to not pull the warmth away from it immediately.

“You’re finally back”, Henry looks happily at her before walking into her open arms.

“I am kid”, she sighs satisfied.

“How long are you staying?”

“Well..”, she releases him from her hug and takes a step closer to me again.  
She smiles.  
“I’m not leaving again.”

“Really?”, he asks surprised and looks at me with big eyes asking me if i told her already.

I shake my head softly, for Emma not to see and he nods softly back.

“Yes, really, i’m not leaving you guys again.”, her hand finds my lower back again and the other one finds Henry’s cheek to rest on for a few second.

“Awesome! Now moms,” he says while handing us each a cup with hot cocoa, ” I’ll leave you two alone. See you at dinner tonight!”, and he runs off.

I hear Emma laugh softly before she takes a sip of her cup, as i study her face.   
I have to tell her.

“Emma?”, she looks at me with her lips slightly curled up.

“Yeah?”, she asks.

“Come sit with me”, I take her hand and guide her to our bench.  
We sit, knees touching as I still hold on to her hand.  
I sigh, trying hard to not let my voice tremble.  
“Look,” I squeeze her hand softly and make contact with her eyes, “there’s something you need to know.”

“Is something wrong? Is this why Henry called me?”, she turns herself more to me, her eyes looking scared.

I take a deep breath.   
“It ís why Henry called you, but there’s nothing wrong.”

“What is it?”

“Look, Emma,” I say as i start fidgeting with her fingers, “when you left, I fell into a pattern, a habit. A quite dangerous one, actually. I started drinking, a lot. And in fact this is my first day fully sober since i’ve been alone at my house.  
And when Henry came yesterday, he saw I wasn’t doing very well despite the fact that I had told him otherwise over the phone. But you know me,” I scoffed softly and looked into her eyes again  
“I had cried a lot and I was in fact in pain, not physically. And so Henry called you.  
He called you, not because of my drinking problem, because the drinking was not in fact the real or biggest problem here. Our boy knew that”, I give my Emma a small smile, to assure her I’m doing okay, but her eyes keep holding a worried look.

“Emma, Henry called you to give me the little push I needed, the last bit of courage that I needed, for me to finally tell you that..”, I close my eyes as I inhale deeply one last time.   
And as I open my eyes, I open my mouth: “I’m in love with you.”  
A sigh escapes my lips, there it is. Finally.

“And I know it’s late for me to say, maybe not even the best timing, but i needed you to know. The guilt of me not telling you this was eating me up alive, it has always been. And I’m sorry I could’ve said it a million times before but-“

Emma interrupts me, squeezing my hand.  
“Hey no,” she shakes her head, “don’t you dare apologize for this, for not telling me earlier because neither did I.”

I look up, tears in my eyes and hers too.  
“What?”

“Regina, I’ve always been in love with you”, she laughs softly, “couldn’t you tell it from the moment that I met you?”

“You do?”

“How could I not? I know it might sound crazy especially since I married Hook but.. I never loved him. I hoped I could, but you were on my mind constantly. It’s the reason we went on a trip, I talked about you and Henry all the time”, a tear rolls down her cheek and she smiled at me.

“And i was apparently dumb enough to think you would never feel the same.”

“We both were, Emma”, I laugh and shake my head before wiping the tear of my Emma’s cheek.  
“Look at all the time we’ve wasted.”

“Yeah,”Emma sighs and curls her lips, “but we still have so much time left.”

I grin at her, “Then let’s make up for the time we lost, shall we?”

“Gladly”, Emma smile as I bring her face closer to mine.

“My Emma”, I whisper softly before gently pressing my lips against hers, and a rush of light was released from us. 

I would say that i’m mad mad at us for taking so long to get together, but i’m not, not even in the slightest bit.  
Because this was true love’s kiss, of course. And with this I know my curse of loneliness is broken, this is my happy end.  
Well, more like the ending of this story, but a new beginning for us, one that’ll last. One with more than enough time to make up for the time we have lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this short & kinda badly written story! lemme know what you think :)


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